What does it stand for?
There was a time when I never saw the light, it was dark and cold, and I just couldn’t figure out how I got there even when I had everything. I stumbled through life (literally), trying to find its meaning, my purpose and just make it through. I struggled with alcoholism, depression and anxiety. Some days, I didn’t see the point of waking up. What was out there for me besides the painful heartbreaks, betrayals and traumatic experiences I have had? I was drowning, having given every bit of myself away in hopes of feeling something more. I had hit an all time low, it finally forced me into therapy where I learned just how far I had fallen. Especially struggling with anxiety, acronyms have always helped me feel grounded and less overwhelmed. Through my darkest times in therapy, it helped result in this. L. I. F. E. My reason to live.
LOVE
Love. The most powerful force in the world one might say. It conquers all, another might add. The thought of love, the fantasy of it, wanting love for as long as I could remember. Watching the Disney princesses get their prince, listening to all the songs, and reading all the stories. I wanted that love but always struggled finding it. I fell in love with Pride and Prejudice, the simplicity of a hand flexing. My Darcy saying, "You have bewitched me body and soul and I love, love, love you." What a love like that must feel like. To my surprise, the love I was in search of was not what I found. Instead I found the most satisfying love in my friendships and my family and most importantly, within myself. I had fallen in love before without realizing it and that alone was a love I was most grateful having experienced although nothing came from it. Just knowing I could was all I needed to want to try again. The love I felt from my friends let me know that even if I fell alone, they would be there to pick me up. Learning to love myself was crucial. Loving and accepting yourself is something no relationship can give you but rather it is something you bring to the table. I strongly believe in what Anne Hathaway said about the meaning of her tattoo with her husband, "Individually we are whole but together we're more." I don't like the idea of love being two incomplete people making each other whole or that someone is the missing piece. I am whole and my life is full. Learning that pushed me to a new appreciation for how I live my life and who I choose to have in it.
INTUITION
Intuition. That deep feeling in your gut that tells you to run or that voice whispering something just isn’t right. Listen to it, it is your guardian angel. More often than not, when you listen to your intuition, it leads to better things, better relationships and leads you through your healing. I’m not referring to the feeling of fear or the feeling of love that feels like melting chocolate. I am talking about being with someone and everything seems great, they say the right things, they do the right things, they play the perfect part but something just won’t stop nagging you. I am talking about the feeling that a friend doesn't truly have your back. "Listen to your instincts. Intuition does not lie," said Oprah Winfrey. I have failed to listen to it, but now I don’t ever ignore it. Ignoring it only leads to unhealthy habits, toxic relationships and mental/physical illness. My intuition begged me not to ignore the red flags I see when dating, it told me I outgrew some friendships, warned me of toxic behavior and pushed me towards what I truly enjoy in life. That voice said, "don’t wait for anyone else to travel, just go." It pushed me out of a friendship that was eating me alive. It guided me into forgiving someone I thought I could never forgive. It kept me from the edge, promised me there was more to live for.
FEELINGS
Feelings are never forgotten, they are reminders of where we have been. As Maya Angelou said, “I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” I live for the feelings of first kisses, first time’s, the amazement of sunsets and sunrises, and yes even for the one day I can’t stop crying from the inevitable goodbyes we all must give. Feelings remind me when memories fade. I won’t go back to someone who made me feel less than worthy. I won’t entertain men who made me feel like a backup plan or object, I won’t tolerate toxic friendships any longer. I run to those who make me laugh so hard that I can’t breathe. I gaze at those who speak of their dreams with such passion that I am filled with admiration. I live for feeling every joyous hug from my family, every heartbreak from friends and lovers, and every tear for those I will lose along the way because those feelings are the proof that I am alive. That I am a living breathing human being and not a mindless robot roaming until the end of time and I plan to leave positive feelings in the lives I touch.
EXPERIENCES
Experiencing life in its full entirety. Learning from my past to move forward, never reading my life’s story backwards, only to sometimes reread the best chapters. Taking advice like don’t stay in your hometown forever, explore this big world around you. Don’t fear being alone, you meet friends along the way. I was afraid for the longest time, what was considered “practical” was not traveling the world alone as a woman. My heart longed to see more, feel more, experience more, anything to avoid going back to staring at myself in the mirror and not knowing whose eyes I looked into. Anything to avoid the emptiness. I felt nothing from doing the same things every day, I found myself too content with the socially accepted repetition. I needed something to look forward to and why not see and experience everything I possibly can while I am alive? I've been the highlands of Scotland, the cliffs of Ireland and walked the cobblestones of London. I look forward to hot air balloon rides at sunrise on the Safaris of Africa. Long for the Christmas cheer in Switzerland. I count down the days till German chocolate melts in my mouth and I explode from pasta in Italy. From one of my favorite books growing up, Tuck Everlasting by Natalie Babbitt, “Don’t be afraid of death; be afraid of an unlived life. You don’t have to live forever; you just have to live.” LIVE LIFE VIBRANTLY! Filling my life with international travel, sports, photography, nature, and family; it brings me such joy and gratitude for everything I have.
I am only 29 years old, so I am by no means old and wise despite my grey hair and aching joints. But if telling my story on how I kept going helps someone else, even just one person, then it's worth telling. I’ve come a long way from feeling lost, having lost myself in one of the most emotionally draining and isolating friendships of my life and also pushing through therapy to figure out the core of my issues. From not seeing the point in life to making it into an acronym and motto. I have been in the darkness and came out stronger. Love. Intuition. Feelings. Experiences. LIVE. LIFE. VIBRANTLY. You don’t want to miss what comes in your next chapter of life.
P.S. I am posting this on my birthday, happy birthday to me!